1. Be a Skeptic
Here's a place where the old adage "Don't believe everything you read" most definitely applies. People lie on-line just as they do in real life. Areas to be particularly cautious about: Marital status and physical appearance. "Look at your own past experiences in meeting people," suggests Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerrilla Dating Tactics: Strategies, Tips and Secrets for Finding Romance (Plume/Penguin). "Have you generally had good judgment about people? If so, then you can rely on it here too. If not, proceed with caution, and perhaps turn to a friend to help you evaluate someone you've met on-line."

2. Use Tools Wisely
Some on-line personals sites allow you to send and receive e-mail without using your real address. Take advantage of this option if you can. Then use e-mail to get a sense of a person before you further the relationship. "Begin to (anonymously) e-mail back and forth, and learn about the context this person operates in," suggests Wolf. "Where did he grow up? Where does she work? Who are his friends and family? How is she connected to the community in which she lives?" Learning about a person's connections with others is an important way to suss out who they really are.

3. Ring Ma Bell
The phone reveals a lot about a person's social skills, and their ability to communicate spontaneously. But do it on your nickel; don't rush to give a stranger your phone number. Now that you're voice-to-voice, if not yet face-to-face, give yourself the opportunity to get a good feeling for what someone is like before you decide you'd like to meet.

4. Resist the Hard Sell
If you are getting pressured to get together, that's probably a good sign that this is a person you want to steer clear of. Also, continue to keep your antennae up. If, as you are getting to know each other, anything seems off, bow out gracefully.

5. Separate Fantasy From Reality
If e-mail has a downside, it's that it allows you to build up a false sense of intimacy with someone. "A person who writes great e-mail is not necessarily a great person," points out Laura Banks, author of Love On-line (Career Press). No matter how wonderful your e-mail correspondent may seem, try to keep some distance — the minute you hear his or her voice, or meet in person, the whole thing may seem wrong. Don't allow your hopes about this person to obscure what you really feel.

6. Use Common Sense
When it is time to meet in the real world, use these hard and fast rules: Don't give out your home or office address; meet in a busy public place during daylight hours; use your own transportation to and from the date; tell a friend where and when you are going; and check in when you get back. There'll be plenty of time for moonlight walks later on!

The First Real Life Meeting

After you've talked online, and on the phone, and you've exchanged poems, cards, and pictures.. eventually you both want to meet. It's only natural right? Isn't that what this was all about to begin with? Meeting someone? Happily ever after? It's sad to think that even when we're totally convinced that we've played it safe, we've used our best judgment, and we're sure we're going to be okay, that we still have to exercise extreme caution in making our plans. The following are guidelines that are basic. I'm not a fanatic about dating safety, I just believe that better safe than sorry and to err on the side of caution. Take it for what it's worth. I want to thank my good friend Klint, for his input, suggestions and involvement in the concept for this page.

    First Meeting Safety

  • Always Meet in a Public Place! Don't even agree that the parking lot is a good idea, you have NO protection from anything in a parking lot and no, your car is NOT safe! You can be easily overpowered, you don't know if other cars in the parking lot are safe and nobody from within can see you.

     

  • Always Tell a Friend or Relative where you will be and write that information down!

  • Never allow yourself to be picked up for the first meeting. If you don't own transportation, get a ride from a friend, take a cab, or bus. Do not become a statistic! It is NEVER SAFE to leave your home with a total stranger or to give a total stranger your address. If you plan on drinking, get a ride from a friend though I would strongly advise against becoming inebriated in the presence of someone who is, basically, a stranger to you.

  • Never leave your purse unattended, even if the person you are meeting tells you they will watch it for you. Contained within your purse or whatever you carry is not only the obvious personal information, but your car and house keys. You may not notice they're gone.

  • NEVER EVER leave your drink on the bar! If you have to go to the bathroom, or leave for whatever reason, take your drink with you. If that is not possible, dump it out! Order a fresh one when you return. Rophynol is not the only drug you need to be concerned about, homemade knockout drops are very vogue now! Be safe, be smart, be aware.. Remember, knowledge is power, forewarned is forearmed.

  • If possible, get a cellular phone. Even if everything goes great, and I really hope it does, what if the unthinkable were to happen and you were followed home? Lock the car, don't open it for ANY reason unless you see red lights in your rear view and even then, only open that window about an inch. The cell phone is your friend. You don't even have to have good credit to get one now.

  • As an aside, it was recently demonstrated that Cranberry Juice has somewhat of a antidotal effect on drugs like Rophynol. While it cannot prevent you from becoming unconscious, it does allow you to retain some memory of the events. I don't know the specifics, but it doesn't hurt to drink some before you go out, or order a drink that contains it.

  • Be very aware of your surroundings! Memorize important landmarks such as where the telephone is, park in well lit areas, and ask someone to walk you to your car in the event the meeting does not go as well as you had hoped. You only have one life, protect it!


Anyone wishing to add to this list, or submit important stories that will help others, are invited to do so. Send your stories and suggestions to Ads4dating.com here. All suggestions and stories will be published. Remember, even if you don't want to relive the horrors of a tragic or bad experience, you wouldn't wish it on someone else. Help others avoid the unpleasantness. That's what this site is for.

 

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